New directions.....

Since today is Mother's Day I think it is fitting to change the direction of my blog.  So here goes.....

My name is Jessica, my husband is Dave.  We have been together for 5 years now, married for 1 (next week!).  I have wanted to be a mom ever since I can remember.  I love watching D interact with kids -- he is SO good with them.  I have always had a soft spot for daddies and their babies :)  Watching him makes me want to be a mom more than just about anything in the world.  I spent all of my college years worrying about getting pregnant, spending tons of cash on birth control, stressing about the "what-ifs".  Little did I know......getting pregnant is actually a lot harder than I ever imagined!  No one told me that!

Fast forward to December 2009 -- we tossed the birth control finally and just had to wait the longest two weeks EVER until my insurance kicked in January 1st.  The first month was pretty laid back.  We just decided to have fun and see what happened.  Well, nothing happened.  How naive was I to think that it would actually happen on the first try?!  I read everything I could get my hands on that had anything to do with getting pregnant.  I learned TONS of things that you NEVER learn in health class.  I basically dived in to hardcore TTC -- OPKs, temping, charting BBT, green tea drinking, pom juice chugging, pineapple core eating and all the madness of trying to get pregnant!

We have now been at it for 5 cycles (in the middle of our fifth), and no baby yet.  I know in the grand scheme of things this is not a very long time, but it is frustrating nonetheless.  I have had lots of days full of hope and some have been totally hopeless.  I can go from one extreme to the other in a split second. 

And today is Mother's Day -- something that I desperately want to experience.  Needless to say I have been emotional all day long.  My sister showed me the CUTEST outfit that she bought for baby Levi (who will be here next month!) today and I almost got teary-eyed.  The most extreme feeling of WANT came over me and I had to shove the clothes back in the bag before I lost it.  How pathetic is that? 

Anyway, I have been debating for a while whether or not I wanted to start blogging about this, but I really need an outlet.  My husband is great, but I feel like he gets tired of hearing it all the time.  And I don't know anyone that understands all the measures I am taking to get pregnant (temping, charting, etc.).  Heck I didn't even know it all existed until I started on this crazy, emotional journey!  But I feel like this is going to be a good outlet for me, even if no one reads it.  I am not quite ready to talk about it all in real life yet, so this will have to suffice for now!