When we first found out I was pregnant we talked about when and how we wanted to tell our families. We both decided to just keep it a secret for a while and spill the beans after we saw a heartbeat and a growing baby. I was DYING to tell someone, but I managed to keep the secret (mostly). Dave kept saying "You need to tell your Mamaw" and I kept saying "I will wait and tell her when we tell the rest of our families". Gosh I wish I would have listened to him. At the time I had no idea that she would suffer a massive heart attack before we got the chance to tell her that she would be getting her 18th (!!) great-grandchild. Tuesday morning (October 5), she was rushed to the hospital. We had our first ultrasound the very next day and saw a little heart just beating away at 164 BPM! By this time my Mamaw (my grandmother, if you haven't caught on yet :) was lying in a hospital bed pumped full of morphine. I was really torn about what to do. I was so sad that I had waited until she was sick and almost unresponsive in a hospital before I told her. One week earlier and I could have told her and gotten one of her amazing hugs, and we would have sat down and talked about plans for a baby quilt (she was a lifelong quilter and made AMAZING quilts -- every stitch was hand-stitched, she didn't even own a sewing machine). I tried to get a few minutes alone with her and just hope that she would hear me and understand my words. With my luck, every time I got some time alone with her happened to be right after they had given her another does of morphine, so of course she was out of it. I said the words to her, but in my heart I knew that she didn't really hear it.
So on Saturday, I am sitting in the hospital waiting room with my dad. By this time she had been holding on for 5 days -- on top of the heart attack, she also suffered a stroke, one lung was collapsed and she also had pneumonia. Her doctor told us that he truly believed it was a miracle that she even lived through the heart attack, as it totally destroyed at least half of her heart. But yet she was hanging in there for some reason. My dad said "The Good Lord is calling her home, but for some reason she is hanging on. I wish I knew what for, so that maybe we could help her to let go." When he said this I just reached in my bag and handed him the ultrasound picture. It wasn't at all how I planned to tell him, but I told him that I needed him to help me tell my Mamaw -- he seemed to be able to get through to her and she responded most to him, I think. So we went in her room -- my mom was in there so of course I had to show her the pic (there were lots of happy and sad tears in that room). Then my dad and I went over to her bed, and she was not necessarily alert but I could tell that she was a little bit aware of what was going on. I couldn't get the words out so my dad just said to her "Jessica is going to have a baby". I knew immediately that she understood because when she got good news she would always say "Awwww" in the sweetest way possible, and she did that exact thing when my dad told her. So that made my heart happy :) She passed on Monday night after a good fight.
I am so sad that she won't be around to meet my baby and that I won't ever get the chance to work on a baby quilt with her, but I am so thankful for the time we had together and I have lots of good memories to share with my child someday :)
After I made sure my Mamaw and parents knew about the baby I could finally tell the rest of our families! Here is what we did for my family...
That is my nephew, Levi. Dave and I stole him away for a quick diaper change and put this onesie on him. We just brought him back and handed him to my sister -- it took her a second to catch on, but everyone was so excited when she started shoving him in everyone's faces saying "read the shirt!".
For Dave's parents, we took them an early anniversary gift of a rubber ducky, a pair of baby shoes and a onesie that says "What happens at Grandma's stays at Grandma's". Needless to say there were lots of tears from his mom. Dave is an only child so we are their only shot at grandkids!
OK, now fast forward to the next Wednesday (2 days after my Mamaw passed, if you are following my crazy timeline!). My midwife calls and says "well your bloodwork all came back great" and immediately I am thinking "why are you calling me? You said you would only call if there are problems". She then tells me that the doc looked over my ultrasound and noticed what she thought might be some extra fluid around the baby and that they wanted me to come back in for another ultrasound in a couple of weeks. She kept saying "It could be a problem, but we won't know for sure until we see you again". Of course my mind is reeling at the thought of my baby having any kinds of problems. She could have told me that they needed to amputate both of my legs and I think I would have taken it better! She just told me to stay calm (HA!) for the next couple of weeks and we would go from there. So it has been a LONG week and I have one more to go :( So if you are the praying kind, maybe you could say a little prayer for me and the kiddo?
If you have made it to the end of this post, well then all I have to say is Bless You!
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